SHE WILL HAVE A LITTLE BROTHER
It is not uncommon for couples to have a second child when the oldest child is about three years old. At this age the child is still very dependent and up to that point has had the experience of having been the sole focus of parental attention.
The baby will require a lot of care an attention, it is normal for feeelings of jealousy to appear. But, in this matter as in so many others, the issue will become a serious problem only when it is mishandled.
WHAT WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT CHILDREN’S JEALOUSY
Jealousy can show in many ways, the older sibling may tend to become childish, engaging in behaviors that had already been outgrown, such as thumb sucking or bedwetting.
The older sibling may also do some nasty things to the baby, such as taking away the pacifier or slapping the baby’s hand. Therefore, we must be careful not to leave them alone (Knobel, 2013).
DEALING WITH CHILDHOOD JEALOSY
To minimize the possible feelings of jealousy in older children towards their baby brother or sister, first tell them the news cheerfully, tell them that the baby is in mom’s tummy, which will continue to grow, and that they will be able to touch it and feel the baby’s movement.
If a movie of the fetus is taken, it would be good for them to see it and tell them that this is how they were initially and became the big boy or girl they are now. Also, explain that the same will happen to the baby in mom’s belly and that he or she will be their little friend and playmate (Knobel, 2013).
Then, it is a good idea to get the child involved into the arrangements to be made to welcome the new member of the family: buying or looking for clothes, the crib, the stroller, toys and any other belongings.
Once the baby is born, integrate the big brother or sister to the tasks, but in a way that is pleasant for them, without making them feel forced. It is important not to forget a beautiful tradition, according to which, upon arrival, the newborn gives a gift to his or her sibling.
However, when seeing that the baby receives so much attention, given the immaturity of the older children, they may still think that by being childish, they would get the same kind of attention. But we must make it very clear that everyone is loved for what they are – in this case- the little one for being a baby and him or her for being “big”.
Therefore, be very careful to reinforce the big sibling for mature behaviors, while NOT paying attention to the infantilized ones (Sundel and Stone Sundel, 1981).
It is important to point out that the attention to the older sibling has to be selective. We can do that by reinforcing the good characteristics and personal behaviors of the child, strengthening their self-esteem more than ever and expressing that they are still as loved as ever. Always emphasizing on the fact that they are “big siblings” now.
If we feel overwhelmed by the baby’s demands and only pay attention to the older child when he adopts childish behaviors, regardless of whether it is to reward or scold him, then we would be the ones stimulating problematic jealousy.
In my book WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM! You will find 27 common problems in children from birth to 12 years. In relation to this topic you can review What should I do if my daughter is going to have a little brother? and Selectively rewarding some behaviors while extinguishing others.
You can also consult related topics in this same blog, as well as by visiting Facebook Urquia Larralde (psykia) and Twitter @psykia20. I appreciate any observations, questions, suggestions or comments you want to make. You will be welcome and I will gladly reply.
BIBLIOGRAPHIC REFERENCE
Knobel, Joseph (2013): El reto de ser padres, Publisher Melvin C.A., Venezuela.Sundel, M. Stone Sundel, S. (1981): Modificación de Conducta Humana, Publisher Limusa, México.
