HE DOESN’T WANT TO SLEEP ALONE
By crying, a baby expresses her or his desires, pains, discomforts, so that the parents can pay attention to her or him and satisfy the baby´s needs. The baby must learn, however, that he or she cannot achieve everything he or she wants, and especially not that way.
Sometimes it happens that a small child, two years old for example, after getting used to going alone to bed, no longer wants to continue the previous habit of falling asleep alone after an illness in which we have seen the need, as well as the desire, to pamper the child and accompany him or her more than usual. In those cases it can happen that the child throws big tantrums in order to preserve the pampering he or she received when sick.
If we want the child to resume the healthy habit of going alone to bed, after having received due attention and expressions of affection, there are two ways to achieve this. Remember that as much damage is done to a child by being insensitive to his needs, as by allowing the child to become a tyrant.
There are two methods that can be used to get the baby to stay calm in his or her bed. The first is called extinction and consists of once the child is played with, bathed, accompanied to eat, pampered and read a story, he or she is put to bed at a certain time, and if the child does not accept it and cries, let the child cry until tired, ends up falling asleep (Sundel and Stone Sundel, 1981).
This method can seem hard to parents and even distressing, especially when the child raises the volume a lot, and may even seem to drown. In such cases the tendency is to give in, since often there is even fear for the child´s physical integrity. For more peace of mind, you can have a neurological evaluation of the child carried out; if neurologically the child is fine, there is nothing to fear.
The success of this method lies in consistency: once you start, you have to maintain the same behavior always, which must be carried out by everyone at home. When the behavior initiated yields to the child´s tantrums and is reversed repeatedly, the child will know that he or she can manipulate the parents at will, and the parents will no longer have the assurance or confidence required to lead the child.
The second method is called fading and consists, as the name implies, in progressively fading away the presence of whoever accompanies the child to sleep, initially lying with the child, then on a bed next to him or her and hugging the child, then touching the child´s arms, hands and so on until the little one becomes accustomed to sleeping alone.
You can use the method you like most or best suits your child. What you do have to do, is to choose one method and keep to it. Using a technique one day and changing it the next day will not work.
In my book WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM! You’ll find this and 26 other common problems in children from birth to age 12. In relation to this specific topic you can check out What should I do if my daughter doesn’t want to sleep alone?, Diminishing the support stimulus and Extinguishing behaviors.
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BIBLIOGRAPHIC REFERENCE:
Sundel, M. & Stone Sundel, S. (1981): Modificación de Conducta Humana, Publisher Limusa, Mexico.
