SHOULD PARENTS INFLUENCE THEIR CHILDREN?

Should we apply a definitive influence on our children, or refrain from doing it so they make their own decisions? A pure “one self” even exist that can develop independently from the medium? 

Is it really possible to stop exerting a strong influence on our children? If such were the case, wouldn’t it be others who would do it without so much scruple?  

WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT TEACHING BY EXAMPLE 

My opinion on this matter is very clear: You have the right and the duty to exert the best influence on your children. It is true that our babies have their own history and characteristics and we should adapt to them, as much as they have to learn from their family and their culture.  

It is also true that formerly, we used to be too taxable on children; but to even conceive your little one as someone who brings their whole behavioral and attitudinal repertoire, and that he won’t be, to a great extent, the result of your influence and example, is completely ridiculous.

We exercise this in a number of ways, but it should be noted the example we give, the opinions we express, and the sanctions we apply. The example is the educative method by excellence, for the transfer of values, styles of thinking, attitudes, and behavior. 

Numerous studies in psychology show how powerful the parent’s example usually is, when they are present. Also the strong influence of the teachers is recognized, as well as close family members and even friends and neighbors (Bandura, 1987). 

Most times we set examples without being conscientious of what we are doing. In this sense our children are mirrors of ourselves, if we don’t like what they do, what they say, how they feel, we should check ourselves; most likely they are copying us. 

But examples can also be set indirectly through books, magazines, or mediums of communication. 

HOW TO TEACH BY EXAMPLE 

To teach by example we have to understand that a thousand harangues are useless if we don’t act, think, feel, value, the same way we want our children to do it. That is to say, this technique requires us to teach our selves first. 

In my book WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM!  We show the effect that modeling has on different scenarios: before a reluctant girl at lunchtime, her parents should express taste for the food; before a girl with fears, the mother should overcome her own; before a stalker boy, the parents should correct their own look on life. 

The same thing goes for sexual abuse, techno addiction, the separation of the parents, disobedience of the children, and even the search for happiness. 

In relation with modeling present in the media, vigilance is imposed: not giving a phone to minors younger that sixteen, limiting the time and content on TV according to age, supervising the information on the Internet and cell phone. 

Frequently, mass media doesn’t have the scruples that parents require, nor their interest usually focus on what is convenient for children. 

In short, to teach by example requires, among other things, Knowledge and control of our selves, self-assurance on our values, and a wise equilibrium between influencing and respecting the particularities of our children; as well as vigilance on external influences.

In my book WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM!  You will find 27 common problems in children from birth to 12 years. In relation to this issue of influence on our children, you can review Modeling behaviors, thoughts and feelings.  

You can also check in this Blog Discipline with love, as well as visit Facebook Urquia Larralde (psykia), Instagram @psykia20 and Twitter @psykia20. I appreciate any comments, questions, suggestions, or constructive criticism that you want to make through psykia20@gmail.com or by WhatsApp: +58 414 929 1676. They are welcome and I will gladly answer them.

BIBLIOGRAPHIC REFERENCE:

Bandura (1987): Pensamiento y Acción. Fundamentos sociales, Martínez Roca, Barcelona, España.