TO PUNISH CHILDREN

Is it convenient to punish children? When punishment turns into physical or verbal abuse, or disqualification, expression of anger and retaliation, it is absolutely discouraged. But what we call here educational punishment is of inescapable application in certain occasions. 

WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT EDUCATIONAL PUNISHMENT 

Educational punishment must be applied only and whenever there is a need to reduce or eliminate behavior that is harmful to the child himself or to those around him (Sundel and Stone Sundel, 1981). 

Suppose, for example, that the older sibling hits the youngest one. Can he be allowed to do it? Of course not! If he does, the older one will understand that hitting the youngest child to get what he wants is fine. He will get used to it and probably become a violent person.

It is essential to know that every behavior seeks a benefit, either because it is pleasurable in itself, or because something desired is achieved from it. By not applying an educational punishment when a behavior with which the child achieved what he wanted, but damaged others, it is as if we were rewarding him for that bad behavior. That’s why we say that bad behavior should be punished whenever it happens. For it to work, we need to do it every time. 

We also said that you should punish only to eliminate bad behavior. We say it because punishment is not useful to develop desirable behaviors. If we want our son to study more, that can only be achieved by rewarding him (reinforcing him) for doing so. For that, punishment would not help. 

But what do we mean by educational punishment? Obviously, following our example, it is not hitting the older sibling. That would be very paradoxical and absurd: “I, who am bigger than you, hit you so that you learn not to hit the smallest”. 

HOW AND WHEN TO PUNISH CHILDREN

What do we have to do then? What you need to do is temporarily remove a privilege from the person who committed the misconduct. In the case of a small child, it may be sending him to a boring place for a few minutes. In which he cannot interact socially, nor have access to TV, cell phones or any other distraction.

In the case of a bigger child, it might be not giving him his week’s allowance. In short, depending on the seriousness of the fault and the age of the child, take away something of his liking for a period of time. 

Likewise, the attitude that we assume with the child when we punish him is important: the tone of voice must be neutral, without insults or threats, and not looking directly into his eyes. Only inform him of the consequences that his bad behavior will bring. Consequences must be executed as immediately as possible. Punishing, in an educational sense, does not imply mistreatment, or insults, much less relief from our irritation. 

In my book WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM!  You will find 27 common problems in children from birth to 12 years. In relation to this specific issue you can review Punishing behaviors, where you will find a detailed description of the requirements for the effective use of punishment, as well as its possible paradoxical and undesirable effects.

You can also consult, in this same Blog, related topics, as well as visit Facebook Urquia Larralde (psykia), Instagram @psykia20 and Twitter @psykia20. I appreciate any comments, questions, suggestions, or constructive criticism that you want to make through psykia20@gmail.com or by WhatsApp: +58 414 929 1676. They are welcome and I will gladly answer them.

BIBLIOGRAPHIC REFERENCE:

Sundel & Stone Sundel (1981): Modificación de Conducta Humana, Publisher Limusa, México.