SUFFERING SCHOOL HARASSMENT

This issue has bothered me so much that I find it hard to talk about it, and the thing is that my ten-year-old son Adrian is being bullied at school.  

This has created so much tension in our home that my husband and I have ended up fighting.  He insists that the boy has to learn to fend for himself; he pushes him to not accept being insulted and to answer in the same way.  It seems that he’s embarrassed of our boy, and he treats him insensitively, undermining him.

Given this, I explain that it is very difficult for him to face the goup alone and he responds saying that I overprotect him and that is why he is so weak. I went to speak at the school and they told me that they had given the children a talk on friendship and respect. But it seems to me that wasn’t enough. I even think it was counterproductive. 

WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT BULLIED CHILDREN 

It must be very disheartening  to see your small child go through such a painful and humiliating situation, and feeling impotent to help him. And not even finding the support you need from your husband.

It’s necessary that you understand that  children who are victims of bullying, are usually those who haven’t been treated with dignity and love at home.  They’re used to placing themselves in the role of the weak one. 

When your husband demands that your son confronts the other children, it’s quite possible he would not be capable of doing it, and it might make him feel guilty, shameful, outraged, and it would probably awaken  a desire of vengeance in him, as well as an increase of his feeling of defenselessness. This may increase the problem. Also you must avoid  overprotecting him. 

HOW TO HELP THE BULLYED CHILD

It’s a complex problem that must be addressed at school, with the parents and the child himself. You should speak to the school saying that it is a shared plan (Rincón, 2012). 

The father has to learn to express esteem and respect for his son, and you should not overprotect him.  If you’re willing to reconsider your position, it will be easier for your husband to do the same.

Both parents along with the school must help him to enhance his self-esteem, change his self-perception, that not to be ashamed of his mistakes. He should understand that crying is a valid way to vent frustration. 

Your son must engage to not expose himself  to potentially dangerous situations, such as being alone in school where he can be harassed; neither should he accept invitations from his harassers, since they could be setting him up for an ambush.  

On the other hand, he’ll have to get involved in a series of traineeships that will help him face up to the situation. This will help him build a sense of self-efficacy in his socil skills and increase his positive emotions.

In my book WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM!  You will find this and other 26 common problems in children from birth to 12 years. In relation to this specific issue of bullying you can review What should I do if my son is the victim of bullying at school?, Developing assertive responses and Generating self-efficacy. There, you will find detailed descriptions of how to teach a child to be assertive and to relate profitably and pleasantly with others.

You can also check in this Blog Discipline with love, as well as visit Facebook Urquia Larralde (psykia), Instagram @psykia20 and Twitter @psykia20. I appreciate any comments, questions, suggestions, or constructive criticism that you want to make through psykia20@gmail.com or by WhatsApp: +58 414 929 1676. They are welcome and I will gladly answer them.

BIBLIOGRAPHIC REFERENCE:

Bandura (1987): Pensamiento y Acción. Fundamentos sociales, Publisher Martínez Roca, Barcelona, España.

Rincón, María Guadalupe (2012): Bullying, Acoso Escolar, Publisher Trillas, México.