HE DOES NOT HELP IN HOME TASKS
Many times we have heard women complain about excessive work, when it comes to combining work outside and work at home. Sometimes attributing this fact to male chauvinism, feeling like victims and perceiving the issue as a fatality.
But regardless of what may or may not be true about this issue. Have these ladies wondered that perhaps they are, at least in part, responsible for the inequitable distribution of domestic work?
WHAT WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ENCOURAGING COLLABORATION
Housework: sweeping, mopping, scrubbing, cleaning and similar chores are often unrewarding, mainly because they are monotonous and repetitive. Only the housewife’s desire to see her home clean and tidy in her own way provides a certain incentive to a sustained effort that is generally little recognized or not recognized at all, since it is only seen when it has not been done.
The gratification of just seeing the house to her liking makes the mother cling to take all the work for herself. But as she is, after all, only human, it may happen that she is indisposed one day and, then, she justly/reasonably wants to be helped by her family.
In such cases, whether in good or bad spirits, the children decide to help. But since they are not trained, it can turn out to be a Herculean task, besides being a bad one, at least in the eyes of the demanding mother, for whom the problems caused were more than the ones solved. Upon seeing the disaster, she may feel irreplaceable and despite her discomfort, complaining and disqualifying them, she will get down to work.
The probable outcome of this is that the kids:
- Feel that their effort and good intentions to help were not appreciated,
- Come to the conclusion that they are clumsy at such tasks, and
- Are better off being done by mom.
HOW TO ASK FOR COOPERATION?
It is not only fair that household chores are shared among everyone, it also helps to generate a sense of belonging and makes everyone take care of what they have had to work for. But it is absurd to wait for a bad day to ask for collaboration.
From an early age, children should be asked to do something that they can do and that is not too heavy on them. That effort, small for mom and important for them, even when it has shortcomings and it would have been easier to do it than to ask for it, should be recognized and praised (Sundel and Stone Sundel, 1981).
As children grow, it is necessary to demand progressively more and better work from them, in an atmosphere of harmony and recognition. In this way, they will develop skills and the task, together with the feeling of being part of a team, will become lighter and lighter.
And what about the husband? Is it better to complain about the traditional sexist ideas in which he has been educated or use the same wise tactics used with the children? Certainly! That mom will have to learn that others will not do the work in an identical way to hers and that there are more important things than domestic perfectionism!
More details on how to encourage your children and husband to help with the housework can be found at WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM!. In relation to this specific topic you can check out Reinforcing behaviors and What should I do if my son doesn’t want to cooperate in chores such as washing dishes?
You can also check in this same Blog: Boosting Good behaviors and To reinforce children. More information can be found, as well, by visiting Facebook Urquia Larralde psykia y Twitter @psykia20. I appreciate any observations, questions, suggestions or criticisms you want to make. Your comments will be welcome and I will gladly reply.
BIBLIOGRAPHIC REFERENCE:
Sundel, M. y Stone Sundel, S. (1981): Modificación de Conducta Humana, Publisher Limusa, México.
