I DREAD THAT MY DAUGHTER MAY HAVE AN ACCIDENT

I have a ten-year–old son and a girl of three. My daughter becomes totally transfixed when her brother begins to show off his many motor prowess, and my heart starts pounding as soon as I see her trying to imitate him.

I immediately try to refrain her and explain to her that she’s still too small and can’t do everything her brother is doing; but by that time she’s so fired up that she pays no attention to me, and just as I had expected, she falls to the ground very hard, hurting herself. My husband insists I make her fall by my constant warnings, can he be right?

SOME FACTS REGARDING ANXIETY

At least this time, I feel your husband is right.  Imagine the following sequence which leads to what is known as self-fulfilling prophesy:

• The older brother begins to show off his skills
• The toddler watches transfixed and tries to imitate him.

• You watch and immediately imagine her jumping, running and hitting herself so severely that she ends up in the hospital.  In short, you begin to have catastrophic thoughts.
• Those thoughts make your heart beat franticly, you break out in a sweat, your feel queasy; in short, you begin to experience physiological reactions as an expression of your anxiety.
• You watch her and although she’s quite happy running, you start yelling at her that she can’t do what her brother is doing, that she’s too small, that she doesn’t have the skills he does.
• This makes her nervous and turns her attention to you instead of to her running.

• As a result, she begins to move hesitantly, or she might not see a stone in her way and falls hurting herself.
• You run to “help her”, saying things like, “See, I told you so! You’re way too small, you can’t run like your brother!”, making her feel insecure and vulnerable.

I hope this example helped you understand that the origin of the problem lies in the catastrophic thoughts that you bring about when you see her running.  You’re probably thinking it’s your duty to protect her, and you’re right, what then is the solution? (Rimm, D. and Masters, J., 1980)

HOW SHOULD ANXIETY BE ADDRESSED

In the first place, you have to learn how to halt those unnerving thoughts, and once you’ve learned that, find a place, or a type of activity where your child can develop her skills without being at risk from real danger.  Also, remember falls and bumps in the head are part of childhood.  Your child needs to develop her psycho motor skills, both physically and psychologically, both from a physical as well a psychological point of view, regarding her self-esteem, her sense of safety, intellectual development, and even, her happiness.

For information on how to halt those catastrophic thoughts, see WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM!, especially the topics: What can I do if my three-year-old daughter want to run and jump like her ten-year-old brother? As well as, Halting catastrophic thoughts.

You can also check topics related to similar issues at this same Blog, or visit Facebook Urquia Larralde (psykia) Twitter @psykia20  and Instagram @psykia20.  I welcome any comments, questions, suggestions, critiques you may have at psykia20@gmail.com; I  will gladly address them.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Rimm, D. and Masters, J. (1980): Terapia de la Conducta. Técnicas y Hallazgos Empíricos, Trillas, México