THEY DO NOT ACCEPT MY NEW PARTNER
After a difficult divorce and a few dates with a ‘friend’, today I am in a stable relationship that seems to have a future. My partner is willing to share with my children but he is introverted, and treats them with cold courtesy; the children are not amused.
We have had some friction because of this. He says that I must teach them to behave better, and I think that he should be more communicative with them.
WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT WINNING OVER CHILDREN
Your partner, it seems, is introverted and inexpressive, but as long as he is not sullen and unpleasant, he has the right to have his personality respected. Moreover, it is unrealistic to expect very radical changes.
Your children do owe him respect, but love he has to earn. You tell me that he is doing what he thinks he should do, which is to share outings with you and them, but it seems with little sensitivity to the children’s desires.
HOW TO WIN OVER CHILDREN
Winning over children is not, after all, so difficult. Your partner has to be attentive to their interests, and that’s where you could help him. It is not about expensive gifts, which should be discouraged; but rather of shared activities. For example, if your child likes soccer or some other sport, your partner can play with him or her, and take the child to a competition that interests him or her.
If the other child is worried about a school presentation he or she has to make, your partner can provide the child with helpful material, practice the presentation with him or her, and, after the presentation, show interest in knowing how it went, perhaps with a phone call, not to you, but to the child. It will be very difficult for your children not to change their perception of your partner after these kind expressions of attention (Sundel and Stone Sundel, 1981).
You will find more details about how to win over children in my book WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM especially under the titles: What can I do if my children don’t accept my new special friend? and Becoming rewards ourselves.
You can also check in this same Blog: We are the reward; as well as visit Facebook Urquia Larralde (psykia), Twitter @psykia20 and Instagram @psykia20
I appreciate the observations, questions, suggestions or criticisms that you want to address to me through psykia20@gmail.com. You will be welcome and I will gladly reply to your comments.
BIBLIOGRAPHIC REFERENCE:
Sundel, M. & Stone Sundel, S. (1981): Modification of Human Behavior, Edit. Limusa, Mexico.
