EXPERIMENT AND SHOW EMPATHY
Through the exercise of empathy we can understand another person, their motives and points of view. When we understand them and we show it, that is, when we express in our own words what we perceive to be their thoughts, feelings and
fundamental attitudes, that person will most likely feel inclined to trust us with their secrets and internal thoughts, and that will be the basis of a deep communication and an affective relationship of true quality.
WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT EMPATHY
Colloquially empathy is defined as the act of “putting yourself in the shoes” of the other, but this is not enough. If we really want to see, interpret and feel the world as the person in front of us does, we need to imagine that we are that person,
that what is happening to her or him is happening to us. Only in this way can we approach their thoughts and feelings, their fundamental attitudes (Larralde, 1983).
HOW TO EXERCISE EMPATHY
In my book WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM!, we use empathy in two delicate and complex cases, one of them is that of 12-year-old Felipe, who bullies children in school What should I do if I’m told my son is bullying other children at school? It was a complicated case and several procedures had to be combined, one of which was to help him develop empathy towards current or potential victims of his aggression.
A bully, who is undoubtedly an aggressive person, finds it very difficult to exercise empathy, since this is precisely what he tries to evade. If he were to do so, the exercise would lead him to painful self-criticism, which is an essential element of psychological change. By getting in touch with the feelings of the person bullied, the attitude of the bully towards that person will change substantially.
Another occasion for which the use of empathy was fundamental, was that of Beatriz, a 10-year-old girl who had been sexually abused What should I do if I suspect my daughter is being a victim of sexual abuse?
Only by imaginatively experiencing what their daughter might be suffering, can parents develop the patience to tolerate seeing their little girl express sexual attitudes not commensurate with her age, and the firmness to face the possible skepticism of some actors in relation to the case.
For more details about how to develop and practice empathy, you should review, in the book just mentioned, the chapter Developing empathy, in addition to those mentioned above.
You can also consultar in this same Blog My son is a harasser, and Is she suffering sexual abuse? As well as visiting Facebook Urquia Larralde (psykia),Twitter @psykia20 and Instagram @psykia20
BIBLIOGRAPHIC REFERENCE:
Larralde, Urquía (1984): Imaginal instruction: its influence on autonomic perception, in Psychology, Vol. XI, Nos. 1-2
