SOMETHING MORE ABOUT ASSERTIVENESS

On a previous entry (Developing assertive responses) we talked about assertiveness, what it consists of, how it is learned in childhood, according to the education we had and how we could relearn it, if said education did not make the development of this skill smooth enough.

This time we would like to mention other aspects, such as who needs to develop it, what are the disadvantages of not having it and the different types of assertive responses. 

People who need to develop it are those who are unable to exercise a healthy sociability, such as:

1. Those who have difficulties in establishing interpersonal relationships, 

2. Those who are shy and not very open or expressive, 

3. Those who are always complaining about the behavior of others or silently ruminating on their dissatisfaction, 

4. Those who are brash/arrogant and abusive, as well as those who are used to bragging. 

The lack of assertive responses hinders personal fulfillment, expression and satisfaction, as well as joy and the defense of our rights or respect for the rights of others. It can also lead to somatic symptoms, as well as to pathological changes in labile organs. 

In any case, it prevents the development of healthy interpersonal relationships, either by too much shyness or, on the contrary, by abusive shamelessness.

There are different types of assertiveness, and they are the following:

• Social assertiveness, which consists of the disposition and ability to start, maintain and conclude social interactions in an easy, pleasant way, in situations that involve friendship, as well as when dealing with strangers or authority figures.

• The expression of feelings, whether positive feelings about oneself or others involving agreement, love, praise, friendship, praise; but also negative feelings, such as anger, annoyance, disagreement and the like.
• The expression of our own opinions, even when there is a risk that they may be diminished by others, which implies the exercise of independence or the refusal to accept individual or group pressures that could lead to conformism, complicity or the admission, without further thought, of other opinions and beliefs. 
• Advocacy, which consists in the ability to publicly state personal rights, to say and maintain a NO, to actively resist the urging of others, to refute unreasonable demands, as well as to request favors and reply.

• The leadership ability or willingness to direct or influence others, in circumstances that require taking initiatives or assuming responsibilities, even in the case of problematic relationships.

In short, assertiveness implies the initiation and maintenance of pleasant relationships and the expression of positive feelings towards others or towards oneself and respect for others; but also, the defense of our rights and our opinions, the ability to say and sustain a NO, as well as to resist inappropriate pressures and to take the lead in difficult situations. I would say it is the individualized, small, day-to-day exercise of full democracy.

In my book WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM! You will find 27 common problems in children from birth to 12 years. In relation to this topic, you can review Developing assertive responses and What should I do if my son is the victim of bullying at school? 

You can also consult in this same blog: Developing Assertive Responses and Suffering school harassment, as well as by visiting Facebook Urquia Larralde (psykia) and Twitter @psykia20 

I appreciate any observations, questions, suggestions or criticisms you want to make. You will be welcome and I will gladly reply.

BIBLIOGRAPHIC REFERENCE

Lorr, M., More R., Mansueto, C.H. (1981): The Structure of Assertiveness: A Confirmatory Study. Beh. Res. and Ther. V. 19.