MY SON DOES NOT OBEY ME

I live in an apartment, a small one at that, and I have a five year old son who doesn’t understand that he can’t play inside the house like he does in the park, where his grandma an I usually take him; even my husband manages to find time from his work to take him, we have to admit that men are learning to be better dads! 

But sometimes it rains or none of us can go, and in those occasions, Alejandro, that’s my son’s name, starts playing football in the living room. At first, I tell him in a good way not to do it, but he gets rebellious and defies me, and he won’t obey until I scream at him or his dad scold him hard.

WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT CHILDHOOD DESOBEYDIANCE 

I understand that you live in an apartment and that satisfies your basic needs and that your son expects it to satisfy his too. Only by taking him out every afternoon is it possible to reconcile the interests of both. And when you can’t, screams, disobedience, threats of punishment, and of course, general discomfort emerge. 

I see that in your home you all understand that the little one needs, for a couple of hours, to just let go of his energy and, aptly, recognizing that it is a wise way to avoid a bad behavior, you accustom to take him to the park; non the less, as you have said, it can’t always be done. In those cases he needs to be taught that the leaving room is not a football field. 

HOW TO APPROACH CHILDHOOD DESOBEYDIENCE

It is convenient that Alejandro learns that there are other alternatives for distraction, such as painting, reading, drawing, board games, pieces to assemble, even doing house chores, which he can do in homey afternoons. You will stimulate him to do them, but if he still disobeys you it is necessary to punish him.  

It is essential that you make it very clear to your son that you will not allow him to use the leaving room inappropriately, and that if he does you will punish him.  Punishment, as we understand it, is not something for parents to vent their discomfort, it is only used to correct misconduct, to apply authority without yelling, threatening, disqualifying, or mistreating, physical or morally. It is only to take away a privilege provisionally (Millenson, 1976).

Using the leaving room or any other place where he can feel at home, besides being entertaining, we can considerate a privilege. So, if he throws the ball where he is not supposed to, it is necessary that you punish him by sending him to seat for five minutes (one minute for year), in a seat especially designated for that purpose, where he doesn’t have access to any entertainment and that nobody talks to him during that period. That is to say, in a boring place. 

In my book WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM!  You will find this and other 26 common problems in children from birth to 12 years. In relation to this specific issue of child disobedience and, therefore, the occasional need to apply a punishment, you can review What should I do if my son doesn’t stop playing ball in the living room when I tell him to? and Punishing behaviors.  

There you will find information about different types of punishment, its advantages and disadvantages, effective uses, opportunities, consistencies, who should apply it, the tone of voice to use, what to do if the child protests, and others. 

You can also check in this Blog To punish children as well as visit Facebook Urquia Larralde (psykia), Instagram @psykia20 and Twitter @psykia20. I appreciate any comments, questions, suggestions, or constructive criticism that you want to make through psykia20@gmail.com or by WhatsApp: +58 414 929 1676. They are welcome and I will gladly answer them.

BIBLIOGRAPHIC REFERENCE:

Millenson, J.R. (1976): Principios de Análisis Conductual, Trillas, México.