THEY DO NOT ACCEPT OUR DIVORCE
My husband and I have been fighting and making up for a long time. He’s even left home several time, only to come back later when apparently everything is fine. I always feel confident that any effort to improve the relationship is worth a try; however, every time this happened we were soon right back fighting again.
Finally, I realized that it was futile and I decided on a definite separation; however, now my problem is that our kids, especially our oldest who is six years old and is very rebellious, won’t accept our separation. My other boy is very small, only three years old.
WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT GETTING A DIVORCE
You’re right inasmuch as a divorce is usually a very hurtful separation, both for the couple and the children; hence it must be addressed in a very responsible manner. However, maintaining a tense, pretend situation between the two of you for appearances sake, without paying heed to how much harm is being done to others is hurtful mostly to the children. Furthermore, that is probably the reason your oldest son keeps expecting a reconciliation.
HOW SHOULD YOU ADDRESS A DIVORCE
Once you have decided that a divorce is inevitable and definite, you have to give your children clear signs of that decision. But it is essential that you let them know that this is a problem between mom and dad, and that you will continue exactly as mom and dad, with the only difference that one of you-usually the father- will live somewhere else where the children will go and visit him frequently (Knobel, 2013).
It is vital not to involve the children in your problems with your husband; using them to vent your anger, or to get even with your husband means you are unnecessarily adding to their anguish.
Likewise, it is not wise to include the relatives of both parents in the situation; they will remain being their grandparents, and it’s very necessary that the children continue their loving, respectful relationship.
In my book WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM! you’ll find this and other 26 issues you might encounter regarding children from birth to 12 years. Concerning the issue of divorce, what you should and shouldn’t tell your kids, contact with future parents, visits and other details, you’ll find assistance in the chapters, What can I do if my children are having a hard time accepting that I’m getting a divorce?
You can also look it up in that same Blog, Educate, likewise by looking me up in Facebook, Urquia Larralde (psykia), Twitter, @psykia20, and in Instagram, @psykia20. At psykia20@gmail.com, or WhatsApp + 58 414 920 1676, I welcome and will gladly address any commentaries, questions or critiques you might have.
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL REFERENCES:
Knobel, Joseph (2013): El reto de ser padres, Publisher Melvin C.A. Venezuela
