MY CHILD STILL WETS HIS BED

I don’t know what to do with my son; he’s five years old and still wets his bed. Sometimes I explain to him in a kindly manner that he’s getting old now and shouldn’t do it; he promises me he won’t do it again, but all the same, he’ll wet his bed the following night. Then I lose patience and scold him.  Most importantly, his father reacts very strongly and asks him in an intimidating tone if he’s not ashamed of himself.

Then Fernando, that’s his name, answers that no, he’s not ashamed.  At that point his father explodes, Fernando bursts out crying, and we all end up feeling pretty bad.  I’d really like to know if in this case punishing him is the right choice, and if so, what type of punishment, and what are the advantages and disadvantages of doing it? 

WHAT YOU SHOULD KOW ABOUT BED-WETTING

It’s quite understandable that you are worried by your child’s bed-wetting, and aren’t sure how to handle it; you’ve been trying the soft approach, but with no results.  At other times, you become very aggravated and then feel badly, especially when you see how his father reacts, even to the point of humiliating the child.

In the first place, it’s necessary to understand that even if the child denies it, he does feel embarrassed about his bed –wetting.  He’s probably feeling anxious, humiliated, shamed and this approach not only will it not help him to overcome his difficulty, rather it will make it worse.

It’s necessary to rule out a urinary infection with a doctor’s appointment.  Likewise, it’s crucial to find out if there are any underlying emotional problems, such as night terrors, the birth of a sibling, parting of the nanny who took care of him, even the possibility of sexual abuse.

Finally, without making too much of a fuss, it’s necessary to supervise his surroundings, some changes that we might perceive as normal, even pleasant, may be experienced in a very different manner by children.

HOW SHOULD BED-WETTING BE HANDLED

After discarding the existence of the possible problems mentioned above, it’s necessary to address bed-wetting specifically.  Asking your child to control it through a voluntary exercise, is useless, how can he do that when he’s asleep?

He needs help with specific actions, such a:

• Ask him not to have any drinks two hours before going to bed, and to pee before.
• Help him to avoid wetting his bed by waking him up so he can urinate in the toilet and wake up dry; this will make him feel more self-confident.
• Punish him by asking him to wash his clothes when he wets his bed.

When I say punish him, I mean it as a corrective technique that implies exercising authority without mistreating, scolding, humiliating or shaming the child.  Properly employed punishment implies, especially in this case, giving the child the chance to repair his fault, giving him the opportunity to feel better about himself, and this among other thing, will help him overcome his problem. (Sundel and Stone, 1981).

In my book, WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM! you’ll find 26 frequent situations in children from the moment they’re  born to the age of 12.  Regarding the specific issue of bed-wetting, read  What should I do if my five-year-old son still wets his bed at night? as well as, Punishing behaviors.

You can also look up in this same Blog: To Punish children, Discipline with love and Educate likewise, you can visit Facebook at Urquia Larralde pyskia, Twitter @psykia20 and Instagram @psykia20.

I welcome your comments, questions, suggestions or criticisms at psykia20@gmail.com, or via WhatApp: +58 414 920 1676, and will gladly address them.

BIBLIOGRAPHIC REFERENCE:

Bandura Albert (1987): Pensamiento y Acción. Fundamentos Sociales, Publisher Martínez Roca, Barcelona, España.