SLEEPING WITH ME OR IN HER ROOM?

Regarding the convenience, or not, of extending the period of time in which the baby sleeps with parents, there are different opinions that should be considered. I will make the following comments on them, in order that the reader may make her or his decision.

Some authors (Knobel, 2013) focus their position on the right of parents to have a space for themselves, and state that the baby must get used to being alone and learn to tolerate frustration; so the baby should sleep in her or his room once the quarantine is over, or when the parents have sex again, since it is not convenient for them to have sexual relations in front of the baby, or to stop having them.

Others (Santana, 2015) argue that up to the age of three months the baby should sleep next to its parents, or in a crib very close to the mother’s hand, so that she can verify that she breathes normally, and thus avoid sudden death. 

It should also be borne in mind that, at that age, if the baby is lying on his or her stomach and vomits, it can choke, since the baby does not have the ability to lift its head. 

While Seligman, (2011) on the other hand, focuses attention on the feeling of secure attachment and the abundance of positive emotions, in an upward spiral, that arise when sleeping with the baby, since it can be attended to quickly and continuously.  This gives the baby a sense of security and self-confidence, and a greater willingness to explore surroundings earlier than other children.

The arguments presented, in addition to your real, particular conditions, are crucial to make the decision of how long to extend the period sleeping with your baby. The physical protection of your newborn is inescapable, in addition to the warm and continuous affection that will foster the baby’s self-confidence and a spiral development of positive feelings. But it is no less true that you have to put limits and place the baby in its reality.

Providing affection and security, as well as setting limits, are two things you should always do in all areas. To make this particular decision you will also have to take into account your circumstances, those of the child and the whole family, as well as your vision and that of the father regarding the degree of permissiveness or rigor that seems appropriate. 

• Being too permissive, not setting the limits that will teach the baby to respect rules and manage frustration.
• Being too rigid, denying the protection and warmth which will enable the baby to develop self confidence and learn to trust others,
• Being inconsistent, being very lax one day and rigorous the next, which will not allow the child to know what to expect. To avoid the latter, which may be the worst case, you must make decisions in harmony with your convictions and feelings, so as to send coherent messages to your beloved baby.

You will find more details on this topic in my book  WHAT DO I DO NOW?  NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM!  especially in the topics Would it be better if he slept with me or in his own room?  And Inducing emotions.  You can also consult in this blog Discipline with love and Educate;  as well as visit Facebook Urquia Larralde (psykia), Twitter @psykia20 and Instagram @psykia20

I appreciate any observations, questions, suggestions or criticisms you want to make through psykia20@gmail.com. You will be welcome and I will gladly reply to your inputs.

BIBLIOGRAPHIC REFERENCE:

Knobel, Joseph (2013): El reto de ser padres, Publisher Melvin C.A., Venezuela.

Santana, Ingrid (2017): Personal conversation.Seligman, Martin (2011): La auténtica felicidad,  Publisher Zeta, Bardelona, España.