MY DAUGHTER IS VERY FEARFUL
I have a four-year old daughter, Patricia, who is very fearful. She’s afraid of storm, and whichever bug exists: cockroaches, spiders, large butterflies, cicadas…
She makes me search every corner of her bedroom before she gets into bed, then she doesn’t want the light out, finally, near dawn, she’ll come to our bedroom. The worst part is that this doesn’t seem to be getting any better, on the contrary. My husband says I’m responsible for her behavior since the truth is, bugs also make me feel uneasy.
GETTING TO KNOW CHILDHOOD FEARS
You might start by asking yourself how you can help your daughter get over her fears, if you also need help in this area.
Fear is a feeling with an adaptation function that helps us protect ourselves from real danger, but when we begin to exaggerate the threat and see it everywhere, it begins to limit our activities; it exhausts us with futile exertions, and hinders the thorough enjoyment of our capabilities (Bandura, 1987).
What seems to be happening here is that you’ve set an example for your daughter with your fear of bugs; she simply copied you, as is natural. Don’t doubt for one second that you are her model and she’ll imitate you in every sense: in your behavior, your thoughts, and even in your feelings.
MANAGING CHILDHOOD FEARS
It’s necessary that you fight your own fears before addressing your daughter’s; for that you’ll have to imagine phobic situations and pictures that produce fear in you; likewise, imagine a situation that brings you a feeling of serenity, and spend an hour in a quiet place where you can relax (Wolpe, 1977).
Later, look at the images, alternating between the phobic and the pleasant ones so that through a process of progressive de-sensitization, you can stop feeling afraid. You should also study the real or imagined dangers of the objects of your fear.
Only once you have conquered your own fears, will you be in a situation where you can help your daughter with similar procedures to those you used on yourself, adapted to her, and adding your love and support.
It’s essential that just as you exemplified excessively fearful behavior, now you can show her unequivocally, the sheer pleasure of having overcome them.
In my book, WHAT DO I DO NOW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MOM! you’ll find this and other 26 frequent situations in children from the moment they’re born to the age of 12. For more details on how to overcome fear, you can look at, What can I do if my daughter is too apprehensive? and Progressive approach to a feared stimulus.
You can also look up in this same Blog: Educate and Should parents influence their children? likewise, you can visit Facebook at Urquia Larralde pyskia, twitter @psykia20 and Instagram @psykia20.
I welcome your comments, questions, suggestions or criticisms at psykia20@gmail.com, or via WhatApp: +58 414 920 1676, and will gladly address them.
BIBLIOGRAPHIC REFERENCE:
Bandura Albert (1987): Pensamiento y Acción. Fundamentos Sociales, Publisher Martínez Roca, Barcelona, España.
Wolpe Joseph (1977): Práctica de la Terapia de Conducta, Publisher Trillas, México.
